In a recent email, there was a comment from someone who said she basically refused to coddle her kids over every little thing they do. I shared the comment in my local online Moms group on Facebook to see what people think about the statement.
There were, as expected, views from both ends of the spectrum. Some sounded a little harsh but practical, while others sounded a bit too sappy for me.
Heck, I can be honest here. I love my boys, but I'm not a coddler. (I know that's probably not an actual word, but go with it for now.) I've always felt my oldest child has been particularly blessed with book smarts. He's a nerd like his momma, and I'm proud of it. I joke with Hubby about how this is our future retirement plan in the works, so don't knock it! LOL
But seriously though, he's always been a book worm. My youngest boy is just now getting into books, and I'm sure that before long, he's going to be right on up there. He started kindergarten this year and is already throwing around the word "boring" and acting like he knows everything. (He doesn't, but he acts like he does.) Anyway, that's sort of where we are right now.
From the mothers I spoke to, some felt that praise should be given when praise is due, and I have to agree. If the kid puts in the effort, regardless of how well he or she actually does, then they deserve to be commended on the effort and their willingness to try. But on the other side of it, while it's good for kids to know that their parents are always in their corner and are their "biggest cheerleaders," as one mom put it, isn't there such a thing as too much praise?
We're told not to tell our kids they're smart. This will lead them to being big headed and feel entitled to praise regardless of if they even try or not. I think there's some truth in that honestly. What I don't agree with is telling Little Johnny that he did a good job when he clearly couldn't care less or didn't make the slightest effort. At some point, certain stuff is just expected. If your kid is expected to clear the dishes or make their bed, do they need praise for it? Maybe at first. I tell mine "thank you" when he remembers to do his chores without being asked, but I don't gush over it. Should a 5 year old be praised for going to the bathroom instead of peeing his pants? Umm, no. He's 5, and going to the bathroom is something kids that age should be doing anyway. Not gonna gush over that either.
And telling your child that they're the most beautiful little princess who is so awesome and smart and can never fail...well, that's just setting your kid up for a rude awakening.
News Flash: The world isn't like that at all, people.
Keep it real. I mean seriously, encourage your kid to do his or her best and to give it their best shot at whatever it is they want to do. Put their minds to it, and they stand a better chance to achieve their dreams. Don't tell them they can't, but don't blow up their egos to the point they think everything is achievable without even trying. Don't make them believe a fairytale about being the most beautiful little person who cannot fail because YOU said so. Life is about failure and learning from mistakes, and the world isn't going to treat your little princess like a little princess just because they are YOUR little princess. The world couldn't care less.
It's OKAY to fail, as long as you LEARN from the mistakes and TRY AGAIN, but you don't get anywhere in life by not GETTING UP and PUSHING yourself as far as you can. The BEST things in life aren't just handed to you...you're not ENTITLED to them...you have to EARN them. The sooner kids learn that lesson, the sooner they can set about achieving their dreams. That's what I want my sons to learn, when I give them praise.
And don't worry. I'll be in their corner as they learn these things, cheering them on.
