On Turning 40

"Ouch!"

No, I'm not referring to the realization that I'm now considered "middle aged" as far as society at large is concerned, although that's not a particularly cheery thought in and of itself.  What I'm referring to is the way various parts of my anatomy have decided that this is a good time to start hurting for no apparent reason.  Seriously, it's like someone flipped a switch, and all you can think is, "Why do I feel like I'm falling apart??"

Because I am?  Hehe...yeah, maybe.  While my head thinks I can still get up and do what I think I can get up and do, my physical self tells me, "Slow down, chica, you're not as young as you think you are!"

*Sigh!*  FINE!

I've heard over the years that age is really a state of mind.  While some of that is true, let me tell you a thing or two I've noticed that don't exactly line up with that way of thinking:


Number 1:  Aches and pains (see intro to this post).

I can now get out of bed in the morning and realize that various joints are not willing to cooperate like they once did.  Have you ever noticed that after so many hours of sleep, you find yourself getting out of bed simply because you can't take the ache in your back from lying down too long?  Is that not the craziest thing you've ever heard of?  No, hasn't happened to you?  Lucky sod.  I've come to believe that the reason why "old people" don't sleep any more than they do is because it's just too bloody painful to stay in bed much longer.  Maybe I'm wrong (I hope I'm wrong), but for now, I'm convinced this is true.

Lately though, I have to admit I'm having some knee issues that are going to need medical intervention.  I'm in the process of getting that taken care of, but it's tripping people out at the doctor's office because I'm not the typical age for your average ortho patient.  But alas, this needs to be done.  I'm too young (yes, young) to be dealing with this right now.  Not really making me feel better though.


Number 2:  Hair.

I'm very dark headed, so grey hairs stand out like beacons on my head.  They advertise the fact that I'm aging (really, why not add flashing lights and a fanfare to announce it to the world at this point?) and draws attention to my temples instead of my eyes.  It might not be so bad if these grey hairs were smooth and luxurious like my locks once were, but they're not.  They are kinky and wiry and have a mind of their own.  They don't lie flat, and I've all but quit trying to make them behave.

As for the rest of my hair, I'm noticing that my once straight-ish hair now curls up at the mere mention of humidity.  Getting caught in a light rain shower is now a BIG DEAL!  (No pun intended.)  You know those Pantene commercials on TV?  The hair models would run their fingers through their hair, and it cascades over their shoulders like silky waterfalls, their glossy tresses all shiny and smooth.  Mine used to do that.  Seriously.  I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror at age 18 and being able to do exactly that.  Now?  Now...not so much.  Heaven forbid I go to bed with hair still damp from the shower because then--THEN--I will pay for it dearly in the morning.  Heh...you want kinky?  I'll give you kinky, baby!  Just not quite what you were thinking.  :-P

Oh, and the color thing.  I know people my age or younger who are staunch believers in those little boxes of magic gloop intended to cover those stubborn grey hairs and make you look a good ten years or more younger.  If you're really fancy, you go to a salon and have it done professionally--highlights, lowlights, in-between-lights--whatever.  Do you have any idea what's involved once you step onto this roller coaster ride?  The upkeep alone is enough to put me off, never mind the cost.  I really think I'm more the kind of person to embrace my silvery strands anyway.  Heck, I earned 'em, right?  Or maybe I'm just lazy.  Oh well.  Salt-n-pepper will have to do for now 'cause ain't nobody got time for that.


Number 3:  Metabolism.

This is sort of a no-brainer really.  Everyone has to deal with a slower metabolism once they get past a certain age.  I haven't seen this as much just yet, but it's something that's gnawing at the back of my mind.  I've always been on the "healthy" side, and for the most part, I'm OK with that.  I've known for a long time that a size 2 frame was never in the cards for me.  I'm just not built that way.  Besides, I think most people in the world would rather hug a woman with some meat on her bones than a toothpick anyway.  At least when you hug me, I won't feel like I'm about to break in half just because you squeezed too hard!

Before my knee issues (which I'm working on; see point number 1), I would hit the gym three times a week and go for walks during my work day to keep active.  I liked to hike with my sons when they went hiking with the cub scouts, provided the weather wasn't too hot.  Back in high school, I used to be on the athletics teams for track and field events, as well as the girls' netball team the entire four years.  In college, I enjoyed playing tennis.

Despite being bigger than average, I think I did alright and ate a well-balanced diet.  Even now, as a family, we cook at home more than we eat out, and fast food is still only an occasional indulgence.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to double-down on the efforts in the coming years though.  I do notice that shedding a few pounds now is already feeling harder to do compared to, say, dropping the baby weight after the boys were born.

Well, that's just bloody brilliant, innit?


I could go on with this list, but really, this isn't helping matters or making me feel better about the things to come.  These are three of the main points I'm dealing with right now though.  Everything else seems to be ticking along more or less how they have been, although I know I'm in for a few more inevitable surprises down the road.  (Hellooooo, MENOPAUSE!)  I know this post is focusing on a lot of the negative things about hitting that half-way mark, and while I could complain about things that are going wrong, there's a lot of truth in that "state of mind" theory I mentioned before.

There is something I've learned in my near forty years (technically, I'm getting a head start on these musings, since I still have a good five weeks left in my 30's), and that is to get to know myself and what I'm about.  Many ideas are bouncing around in my head as I write this, but I guess I can narrow it down to a few main points:


Number 1:  Being ME.  Unapologetically.

For much of my formative years and the time beyond high school, I was more concerned with other people's perceptions of me.  I wanted to be liked, just like every other kid, and I wanted to fit in.  I wouldn't say I was a "sheep" per se; it never really bothered me to forge my own path despite what the majority of people chose to do and do things my own way.  I'm glad to say I do that even now.  But I still wanted to be liked, to be one of the cool kids.  Moving to a new country at the age of 16 only furthered that need to fit in, I think.  The difference now is that I see where so much energy was wasted on trying to be the version of myself that others liked.  Instead, I'm more accepting of my own tastes, my opinions, my views on things, and knowing that people who like me for me and all the quirky things about me (because there are many quirky things about me, there's just no getting around that) will be the ones who find themselves in my inner circle, which leads me to my next point.


Number 2:  Knowing my inner circle.

I don't have to have 3000 friends on Facebook.  I don't even have to have 300 friends on Facebook.  In truth, I've learned to put less of myself out there for the world to see and instead focused more on the key people in my life who really mean something to me.  I'm sharing less (believe it or not) because I believe that when I do actually share something, I want it to be something worthwhile.  Everyone has that friend who puts every detail of every waking moment out on social media or forward every interesting quote or cute animal video they come across, and to me, that's overkill.

(Admit it, you're trying to see how many times people "like" your stuff, right?  Right??  *wink*)

Some of the stuff I see on my news feed is just downright ridiculous, and it would be well worth the effort to try and censor what we share about ourselves sometimes, be that on social media or in real life.  Too much is just too much!  Why not take back some of that and keep it for...you!  Just a thought.  Why do we always feel like we need to put everything about ourselves out there for the world to see?

I know that there are going to be people in my life who will only ever be an acquaintance.  We are pleasant to each other, but beyond that, we don't really have enough in common to really bond.  That's OK!  I still like you!!  :)  But getting back to that whole inner circle thing, those are my true peeps, my Ground Zero, my tribes, if you will.  They're the ones in my life who have seen me at my best and at my worst, the ones who will be around not because they can get something from me when they need something, but the ones who give freely of themselves simply because they want to.  And in turn, it makes me want to do the same for them.  I'm learning to hold on to these people because they're the ones who will get me through the rough times and laugh with me once we're on the other side.

As I've gotten older, my circles have gotten smaller and smaller.  I guess life has a way of paring down the really good stuff from all the fluff.  It's not a negative thing at all, when you think about it.  Do you know who's in your inner circle?  I hope you do.


Number 3:  Boundaries.

That's a big one.  I think we've all been in a position where we found ourselves doing something for someone that we didn't really want to do simply because we couldn't find a way to tell them "no."  There are people out there who are incredibly difficult to say no to, that's true, but that's why knowing and upholding our personal boundaries is so important.

In the same vein, I'm learning to acknowledge what my limits are, what I'm willing to put up with, and what I'm just not OK with.  I don't like confrontation any more than the next person, but I've decided to be more proactive in finding a resolution, if something doesn't sit well with me.  I'm more likely now to tell someone, "Hey, this isn't working for me.  How can we fix it?" than to just sit back and suffer and resent them for it.  I think we could all benefit from people being more direct about their feelings than silently drudging on and harboring resentment.  Ripping off a Band-Aid hurts far less than timidly pulling at the edges, wouldn't you say?

I'm not condoning tactlessness, however.  Don't get me wrong--I don't mean it's OK to speak one's mind without so much as a flippant thought about hurting someone's feelings.  No.  I'm just saying that life's too short to be passive-aggressive about some things in the hopes that it MIGHT get better.


Number 4:  My word is worth something.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.  If I tell someone I'll be there, I'll be there, and if I'm not, you bet there was a bloody good reason why I wasn't.  And I'll even let you know about it, too, because my dialing finger isn't broken (I hope), and I have enough decency to call as soon as I know I need to alter plans.  I hate when people are flaky about things.  What good is it to give your word, if your word has no value?  That's not the kind of person I am, and I wish other people realized how much it can impact my relationship with them.  (Maybe I'll refer back to point number 3 and tell them so, huh?)


Number 5:  Some people and situations really are meant to be a lesson.

We all have or have had someone in our lives that I truly believe was put in our path solely to teach us a lesson.  It could be anyone really--a teacher, a friend, a lover, that idiot neighbor who keeps letting their dog take a dump on your driveway--and it could be any variety of life lessons we had to learn.  Good, bad, or otherwise, I'm thankful.  You have made me into the person I am now, and I couldn't have done it without you.  The same can go for experiences, good, bad, or otherwise.  That saying, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" is true.  When tough times hit, this is something I need to remember.  What do I need to learn from this?  Got it?  OK, moving right along.


*Sigh!*  That's a lot of stuff to consider, and I still plan on another forty years or better, if I'm lucky!  LOL  It's funny though, looking at "young people today" and seeing myself where they now are, learning the ways of the world, and making the same mistakes.  I guess it's part of growing up, becoming the individuals we are, and finding where our place is in this giant jigsaw puzzle of a big picture we live in.

I am but one piece of that puzzle.

...
...
...
...

Huh...I don't know where I was going with that analogy, but it sounded good.  :)

Anyway, I know this is a loooonnnngggg entry, but it's not every day that one reflects on life upon reaching the halfway mark.  (If all my posts were this long, I'm sure you're glad of that fact!)

Sooooooo, what is my takeaway from all this?  I guess I'm learning to take life one day at a time, to dream big, to love fiercely, and to stand up for the things I feel are important to me.  Everything else is just a petty distraction.  I hope I will always remember to cherish the family and friendships that have come to mean so much to me, especially as I watch my own sons grow up and my parents grow older.  Time doesn't stop, nor can we deny the inevitable, but I can strive to be fully engaged in each moment I'm here and cherish the time that we do have with those closest to me.  Moving forward, I hope to keep working on this, this work in progress that is myself, taking care of my body and mind and spirit.  I hope to know what's worth fighting for and what should be set aside.  Pick your battles...not everything is going to be worthy of your energy.

Most of all though, I hope I can take what I've learned thus far and somehow use it to be the kind of role model my sons need me to be.  I know they'll need to learn this stuff for themselves in their own time in their own way.  I know I certainly did.

If nothing else, perhaps I'll have more to say on the matter forty years from now.  If I'm still around, I'm sure I'll have an earful for you!  Check back with me then.  :)

Hormones?

My hubby and I are experiencing something new.  Hormones.  No, not our own hormones, although that deserves its own blog post.  Nope, we're talking about the preteen, I-can't-believe-the-whole-world-is-against-me angst of my oldest boy, who at this point is less than a month away from entering middle school.

Yeah, there's this whole thing about drama that the teachers talked about at orientation back in May.  Wha??

Really, I didn't even know this was a "thing" until I started experiencing my sweet baby boy morphing into an inconsolable ball of tears and sulking because I'm not interested in what he has to say when I've told him three times to go and brush his teeth already.  It doesn't even have to be that!  I could look at him funny, and he'll burst into tears.

Over virtually nothing.

Why don't parenting books warn you about this crap??  I mean it seems a pretty significant chapter to sort of, oh I don't know, leave out altogether?!?!

Lately, nothing his little brother does is right.  He doesn't even BREATHE right, for Pete's sake!  Poor kid.  His big bro seems to get irritated by the slightest thing he does anymore, and when that happens, y'all better watch out!  He's fixing to unleash some delusional sass that's going to get his backside wore out!

OK.  *deep breath*  Reeling in my southern charm here a little.  I'm not really going to whoop his behind for being an emotional mess, but it does leave me looking at him with my head cocked to the side on the odd occasion.

Huh??  What??  Why are you crying now???

I kind of expected this from girls.  I was a preteen girl once, albeit a long, long time ago, and I'm sure the emotional outbursts drove my own parents up the wall.  But boys??

So we're going to have to see what this middle school gig brings our way.  I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.  Along with the hormones, we're going to have to contend with the drama that the girls he does go to school with dish out.

Our baby boy is growing up!  Seems like just a few short months ago that we brought his squirming little seven-pounds-and-change self home from the hospital.  *sniff*  Geez.

Not sure I'm ready for this... !!!

Middle School Night

Earlier this week, we visited Zeke's new middle school.  This is where he's going to be spending the next three years of his academic life, grades 6-8.  I was a little surprised at the sheer size of the school building.  It reminded me of when I went to visit my high school all those years ago and being made to feel really, really small.

We headed for the gym, where family and incoming students were gathering on the bleachers.  We sat through the principal's greeting and presentations made my the school counselors.  There's a lot of staff on hand, I guess because now we're talking about prepubescent "tweens" who come with their own set of drama.

Oh God...DRAMA!!  That's one thing I hadn't factored into the parenthood equation thingy.  No wonder they have TWO counselors on staff!!  *raising eyebrows*

As we walked into the gym, my son's friends called out to him to come sit with them.  Hubby and I let him go, and his little bro went along, too, because he knew some of them.  Hubby and I found seats near the back so we could keep an eye on them.  Minutes later, one of the girls in Zeke's class, a cute little thing who seems to have become good friends with my boy, bounded up the stairs to sit with them.

Oh, Hubby honed in on this in a heartbeat like a hungry fox who just spotted a fluffy white bunny digging in the carrot patch!  He's been known to give Zeke a hard time about the increase in female interest in the past year.  I'm trying to be the "good parent" so that he'll still come and tell Momma all the details, provided I swear not to tell Dad.

Good thing he's never made me show him my fingers crossed behind my back.  :-D  Every parent knows those details get shared.  Pffft!!

It was eye opening though, seeing him sitting with his little buddies.  They're getting ready to embark on a new chapter of their young lives.  And they seem so...young.  But they're not.  It's us parents that are having a hard time letting our babies go.

I wonder if maybe I'm the one that's not quite ready for this next step.  Pretty soon, it'll be high school and cars and college and jobs and women and grandbabies...not necessarily in that order, I understand, but we're gonna try.  Ha!

Yeah, this whole growing-up-in-the-blink-of-an-eye thing...that's gotta stop.  Just sayin'.

Parenthood: Happy 10th Anniversary!!

I'm not even going to dwell on the fact that it's been an ENTIRE year since my last post.  Slap on the wrist for that, by all means.

It's not been an uneventful year, however.  Today marks the 10th anniversary of motherhood for me and fatherhood for Hubby.  Oh, and our kid's ten now, but this isn't really about him, is it?  LOL

He's a happy, thriving, not-so-little-anymore child.  My firstborn.  My pride and joy.  He started 5th grade almost two months ago and seems to be adjusting well to his final year in elementary school.  He's doing well in school, scouts, and Tae Kwon Do since February of this year.

Oh yes, here are a few pictures of him doing that...

Yeah, we're pretty proud of him.  These were taken from his first TKD tournament, where he placed 3rd in patterns and 3rd in sparring in his group of eight!  Not bad for his first time, huh?

Little Bro has been working on his TKD patterns, too.  Hopefully he'll be up to green belt as well real soon, so they can both spar.

(On a side note, I'm looking forward to getting through sibling disputes by sending them out into the yard with their gear and having them settle things that way.)

And since it's been so long since my last entry, here are a few recent photos of Little Bro...

It's crazy how quickly they grow up.  Doesn't seem that long ago that Hubby almost ran us off the road on the way home from the hospital because he kept looking down at the baby instead of at the road.  Now there are TWO of them, ages 10 and 6.

You know what this means?

This means there are exactly six weeks until this old girl hits 37.

That's right, 37.  Just three years away from the big 4-0.

*Sigh*

I'm going to try and make a point to post more often than just on birthdays.  I've had a lot of mummy musings over the past year that are worth noting.  A lot of them have to do with the fact that this whole parenthood thing isn't for the faint of heart (or those with weak stomachs).  Frankly, being a parent is a life-long job/journey that you sign up for before someone got a chance to talk some sense into you.

Ha!  I jest.  Nah, it's been good for the most part, but trust me, there are moments when you contemplate just how good you look in orange.  But look at those faces!  And to think I'd do it all over again.

No, I'm not drunk.  I actually like these two.  :)  Happy 10th birthday, son.  We love you dearly.

Happy 9th birthday, Big Man!

I'm not going to get all sappy with this post, but here's a cute little face that we met on this day 9 long years ago after a long labor...

And here's what that little face looks like now!

What an amazing young man he's growing into.  There isn't a day that goes by that this little fella doesn't just blow my mind.  This kid has a heart the size of the ocean!

Way to go, son.  You make your dad and I so very proud.  Love you, Mom and Dad  xoxo :)