To Coddle or Not To Coddle

In a recent email, there was a comment from someone who said she basically refused to coddle her kids over every little thing they do.  I shared the comment in my local online Moms group on Facebook to see what people think about the statement.

There were, as expected, views from both ends of the spectrum.  Some sounded a little harsh but practical, while others sounded a bit too sappy for me.

Heck, I can be honest here.  I love my boys, but I'm not a coddler.  (I know that's probably not an actual word, but go with it for now.)  I've always felt my oldest child has been particularly blessed with book smarts.  He's a nerd like his momma, and I'm proud of it.  I joke with Hubby about how this is our future retirement plan in the works, so don't knock it!  LOL

But seriously though, he's always been a book worm.  My youngest boy is just now getting into books, and I'm sure that before long, he's going to be right on up there.  He started kindergarten this year and is already throwing around the word "boring" and acting like he knows everything.  (He doesn't, but he acts like he does.)  Anyway, that's sort of where we are right now.

From the mothers I spoke to, some felt that praise should be given when praise is due, and I have to agree.  If the kid puts in the effort, regardless of how well he or she actually does, then they deserve to be commended on the effort and their willingness to try.  But on the other side of it, while it's good for kids to know that their parents are always in their corner and are their "biggest cheerleaders," as one mom put it, isn't there such a thing as too much praise?

We're told not to tell our kids they're smart.  This will lead them to being big headed and feel entitled to praise regardless of if they even try or not.  I think there's some truth in that honestly.  What I don't agree with is telling Little Johnny that he did a good job when he clearly couldn't care less or didn't make the slightest effort.  At some point, certain stuff is just expected.  If your kid is expected to clear the dishes or make their bed, do they need praise for it?  Maybe at first.  I tell mine "thank you" when he remembers to do his chores without being asked, but I don't gush over it.  Should a 5 year old be praised for going to the bathroom instead of peeing his pants?  Umm, no.  He's 5, and going to the bathroom is something kids that age should be doing anyway.  Not gonna gush over that either.

And telling your child that they're the most beautiful little princess who is so awesome and smart and can never fail...well, that's just setting your kid up for a rude awakening.

News Flash:  The world isn't like that at all, people.

Keep it real.  I mean seriously, encourage your kid to do his or her best and to give it their best shot at whatever it is they want to do.  Put their minds to it, and they stand a better chance to achieve their dreams.  Don't tell them they can't, but don't blow up their egos to the point they think everything is achievable without even trying.  Don't make them believe a fairytale about being the most beautiful little person who cannot fail because YOU said so.  Life is about failure and learning from mistakes, and the world isn't going to treat your little princess like a little princess just because they are YOUR little princess.  The world couldn't care less.

It's OKAY to fail, as long as you LEARN from the mistakes and TRY AGAIN, but you don't get anywhere in life by not GETTING UP and PUSHING yourself as far as you can.  The BEST things in life aren't just handed to you...you're not ENTITLED to them...you have to EARN them.  The sooner kids learn that lesson, the sooner they can set about achieving their dreams.  That's what I want my sons to learn, when I give them praise.

And don't worry.  I'll be in their corner as they learn these things, cheering them on.

Back to School!

Well, it's official.  Both my boys are now of school age.  The oldest has been back for almost a week, and the youngest had his first day of kindergarten yesterday.  It's all rather bittersweet, but I think Hubby and I are secretly excited.

FOR THEM!  We're excited for them.  Honest!  O:-)

It's been a good summer, but the time has come to get back to the real world.  For my kids, this means bedtime has reverted back to 8 p.m.  You should have seen the looks on their faces last night, when the last remnants of daylight were still peeking in through the curtains.

"But Mom, it's not even dark outside yet!" they whined.

"That doesn't matter, it's still bedtime," I replied calmly.  (I wonder if parents up in the arctic circle and surrounding areas have this issue during the summer months?)

They didn't want to admit it, but they really were tired, and within 5 minutes of lights out, there wasn't a peep from their room save for their steady, sleep-induced deep breathing.

I found myself in the living room at 8:10 p.m. wondering what to do with myself.  I mean I had a whole 2 hours before I needed to think about bedtime for myself!  What to do, what to do??

So I put away the laundry I'd folded, set the coffee pot, and kicked back in the recliner with my crochet project.  It was time for some one-on-one with my DVR, baby!  You know what I mean, the shows I record to watch later because they're either too trashy or there's too much swearing to be able to watch when the kids are around.  And Hubby doesn't care for them either, so now's the time to indulge, before he gets home from work.

And then I proceeded to nod off.  :-\

I awoke about 11 p.m. and dragged myself out of the recliner and into bed, after stopping off at the bathroom along the way to brush my teeth.  (I can't stand going to bed without brushing my teeth.)

This morning, I got the boys up bright and early.  They were excited.  The oldest was going to ride the bus to school for the first time, and the youngest was going to spend the day at a friend's house because today is the phase-in day for Group B, and there's no childcare option at school until Thursday, which is just another way the school system likes to screw with your work week.

We stood at the corner of our yard and waited.  And waited.  Two other school buses went by, but the bus numbers are written so small that you can't see what they are until the bus is literally right beside you.  So I stood out there flagging down these buses, only to find the cranky old women driving them were just going to fly past us anyway with a "you're not on my route" look on their sour faces.

Huh.  Well, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning, darlin'?

A few minutes later though, our bus driver Mr. Ricky did finally show up.  It turned out he was much nicer than those other two...er..."ladies" were, and I think we're going to have smooth dealings with him.  He even said he'd pick the boys up by our mailbox in the morning!  Sweet!

On my way in to work, I thought about how most of our school bus drivers seem much older than city bus drivers, or at least the ones I've seen appear to be.  It makes me feel better knowing that our kids are being bussed to school by grandmas and grandpas.  I'd like to think they're much safer drivers than us young'uns with lead feet.  :)

Totally not talking about myself.

Tomorrow, they'll both ride the bus together.  Boy, that's gonna be interesting!  And knowing how much chatter and arguing and general ruckus goes on at my house early in the morning, I might need to bake Mr. Ricky some cookies or something after the first week, so that he doesn't "accidentally" bypass my house on the way out to school in the weeks that follow.

Fun times, fun times!

Grammatical Snob

OK, I'll admit it.  I'm a snob.  A grammatical snob.  People are going to read this and send me messages to my Inbox to attest to the fact that I've been a grammatical snob (towards them, no doubt) for a very long time.  I can't help it.  So sue me!

One place that I realize grammar (and spelling) are only suggestions loosely adhered to is the Internet.  This is one realm in which errors--and by that, I mean great, big, WHOPPING insults on the English language--are thrown about with reckless abandon and without so much as a second thought.  It's only gotten worse with the proliferation of social media.  We've all seen those memes floating around with clever, witty sayings.  Have you noticed how many of these aren't even spelled correctly or have the right form of "their," "there," or "they're" in them?

And yes, before you say anything, I still observe the Oxford comma when listing a series of three or more items because that's the way I was taught to do it.  So their.  :-P



Some of you would have picked up on that.  Others, well...



It's hard to appreciate the wittiness of these memes when the first thing through your mind (or at least my mind) is, "Idiot.  Haven't you heard of spell check?"

And what have people got against proof reading anyway?  You'd think they were either in too big of a hurry to care, or it takes way too much energy and effort to go back and re-read what you're typing.  Really, it's not that hard, people.

So why am I making such a big deal about this?  Everyone does it, right?  Everyone suddenly loses their ability to spell or properly punctuate when communicating online.  It's the NORM.  Well, I don't know about you, but I've got two young boys who will eventually be allowed to peruse the Internet and its plethora of useful information for the purpose of bettering their studies.  How on Earth are they going to be able to do that with so many errors floating about in Cyberspace?

It's not just that, but there's also the use of acronyms.  All.  The.  Freaking.  Time.  I'm even seeing "LOL" in work-related emails these days.  Granted, I use this, too, but in an informal setting.  I do have standards, you know.

Acronyms appear now for every dad-gum thing you can think of.  It took me forever to figure out that "SMH" meant "shaking my head."  Really.  Do I need to know that when you're talking about something, you are further illustrating your disapproval by SMH-ing at me?

WTF??

The first time you ask your child how his day was, and he responds to your question with "IDK, JAD," you'll know what I'm talking about.  That hasn't happened for me yet, but believe me, it's coming!

SMH.  (LOL!)

Yeah, so it seems things are moving on in a different direction.  The hallmark of the 2010's is this new lingo we have developed to communicate more efficiently and with slang that is really, truly making me feel past my prime.  I'm in my mid-30s, and already I feel left behind.  Way, way behind.  It's getting so bad that there are whole websites dedicated to deciphering this new language because some of us old fogies really don't know what you young-uns are talking about!

(Alright, feeling the generation gap right about now.  Hmm!)

In case you missed it, here's an example of the cra-cra slang we're hearing today, as illustrated in this fine commercial by Sprint, featuring James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell.

What the hell did they just say??  Totes my WHAT??  What is that?!!

I'm sure there are some of you out there who jumped onto Google after watching that the first time, just because you were curious about what in the hell conversation went on here that you somehow missed, not because you didn't hear them, but because you didn't have a f***ing clue what they just said.  Go on, admit it.

[Raising her hand]  Yep, that was me.

I know I'm fighting a losing battle here.  I re-post things on Facebook that poke fun at grammar and those of us who still actually use it by choice.  The truth is, this isn't going away.  I get that there's a time and place for everything, and the Cyber World has its own set of rules.  Grammar, sadly enough, just isn't one of them.

[Sigh!]

I'm taking my youngest boy in for his kindergarten screening this afternoon.  I'm sure he'll do just fine, but I can't help wondering how different things are going to be by the time he's in high school.  My entering 4th grader is on the verge of finding out a whole new set of vocabulary (can you tell I'm thrilled?), but like the rest of us, as our parents once did with us, we learn to adapt.

It's just so much fun learning to adapt to the way youngsters talk today...

...NOT!!

Family Vacation: Blessing and Curse!

I have to say I do enjoy getting away every once in a while.  This year, we took the kids to Greers Ferry Lake at Fairfield Bay in Arkansas for a week.

Trust me, every time I told someone we were going on vacation to Arkansas, they'd look at me funny and say, "Arkansas?  What's in Arkansas??"

Exactly, my friend.

Well, I won't downplay it too much.  The lake was very pretty, and we had just enough stuff in the vicinity of the resort to keep us occupied, while allowing for some much needed time to just veg and decompress.  Little Rock isn't too far from Fairfield Bay, so if we really wanted to get crazy, we could drive down and be there in less than 2 hours.  Hubby and I agreed we may head back there on a regular basis for family vacations.  I guess he really liked it!

But as with any family trip, it has its ups and downs.  Now that the boys are old enough to make travel a teeny bit easier (i.e. no more diapers, wipes, training pants, baby bottles, etc.), we may venture further from our home state next time.  Actually, we've already planned to go to Orlando, FL next year!  That's gonna be a barrel of laughs, I can tell.  Hmmm !

The rest of the week was filled with fishing, riding around the lake in a boat, going bowling, hiking, lots of swimming, and renting movies to watch on the rainy days.  I overlooked the resort's list of activities, which were aimed mostly at their more senior guests.  (Somehow, I didn't quite feel up to joining the Silver Sneakers crowd first thing in the morning, and neither Hubby nor myself were really feeling the Bingo or Pinochle scenes either.)  We also took an unexpected road trip down to Conway looking for a liquor store, since neither one of us thought to see if we were spending the week in a dry county.  I'll be sure to check on that next time.

Disclaimer:  Ummm...yeah, being cooped up with two hyper kiddos on rainy days will do that to you.  This by no means is a reflection on Hubby's or my parenting skills!  We waited until the kids were in bed.  :-D

Hubby and I commented on how well the boys got along first thing in the morning.  They'd get up, fix themselves some cereal for breakfast, then quietly play on their tablets and the Game Boy.  (Yes, I still own an Atomic Purple Game Boy Color, which I bought for myself for Christmas in 1999, and the thing still works!!)  This meant we could sleep in a bit and not be forced out of bed at 6 a.m. every day while on vacation.

Have you ever noticed how kids will continue to get up at the crack of dawn on vacation?  Heck, even on weekends!  I purposefully keep them up late in the hopes that they'll sleep past sunrise.

But you know, kids can be pretty entertaining.  On the drive back home for instance, we were listening to "Juke Box Hero" on the radio.  The boys in the backseat were jamming down, air guitar and all, and suddenly our youngest blurts out, "JUICE...BOX...HEROOOO!!"

"That's not it," said his older brother.  "It's JUKE box.  It's like a kind of radio back in the day.  Like when Dad was a kid."

Hubby and I looked at each other.  If I'd been drinking something, I'd have snorted it.  Not gonna lie.

"Oh!" he said.  "JUKE...BOX...HEROOOO!!"

And everything was right with the world.  *Takes a cleansing breath*

Aren't kids fun?  :)

As with all good things though, they do eventually come to an end.  As much as I enjoyed being away for a week, ultimately, it felt great to be back in my own bed with my own pillow once again.  The soft mattress in our condo meant that I never could sleep for more than 4 hours at a time before waking up with a sore back.  The only other problem I had was with our upstairs neighbors, who walked around like heavy-footed heifers.  The thing that really got me was the idiot who thought that turning on the jacuzzi at 11:30 p.m. wasn't going to bother anyone.  Well, it bloody well woke me up, so yeah, I had a problem with it.  But we lucked out, and they left a couple of nights before we did, so we were able to enjoy the peace (and the balcony) for our last two nights without listening to them stomping around upstairs.

Needless to say, I don't miss apartment living.  :-\

When God Created Mothers

I was searching for interesting quotes on motherhood to post in my Busy Murfreesboro Moms Facebook group this morning, when I came across this excellent little piece by Erma Bombeck.  I thought it very sweet and such a testament to what women become when they take that leap into motherhood.  Here's the passage:

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

God nodded.  "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

"God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

"I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

"But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

"Can it think?" 

"Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

"It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

"What's it for?" 

"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

"You are a genius," said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”

― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers